Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
