Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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