I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
