I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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