I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
