Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
