Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think my vagina is haunted
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
PANTIES FOUND
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