giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
