They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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