So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
