im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
