I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
