So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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