this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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