Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
