They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
