my mouth tastes like poor choices
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
