THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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