the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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