thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
