I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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