you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
