i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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