i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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