i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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