i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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