I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
