No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
