He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
