Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
