we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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