Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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