so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
