you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
