I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
