i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
