I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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