i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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