some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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