I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
