did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
