$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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