I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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