I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
