New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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