Cold hands, warm shart.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
