I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
