my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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