i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
