I want to walk on stilts...naked
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
