Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize