I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
