Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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