dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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