the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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