Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
