textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
