There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
