I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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