i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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