Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
