She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
