if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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