Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
