omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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