Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
