so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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