I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
