I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
