So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize