Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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