He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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