You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
