I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
