OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
